Offsprung Archives

Hello! Welcome to Floor Pie 2.0 on blogspot. I'll be writing some new material soon. In the meantime, please enjoy some delicious backstory from my old blog on Offsprung.com:


OCTOBER 2008

Me, My Health, and Joe
Thus, I found some unexpected common ground with a fundamentalist Christian co-worker of mine. Let’s call him "Joe the Marketing Communications Writer."

SEPTEMBER 2008

Elitist, My Ass
Earlier this year, my state was dismissed by a political surrogate as a bunch of “latte-sipping elitists.” And while I was tempted to just scoff it off, I had to think about it. I do drink lattes, after all. Maybe they were onto something.

AUGUST 2008

Writing Blows
...I truly love my vida loca with Impy and Chimpy, and I’m so grateful to women like Anne Lamott and Ayun Halliday for taking the stigma out of it. But I still can’t sit down to write without feeling a little like Peggy Hill going to work on her “Musings.”

The Groove Myth
Sex may have been more plentiful and energetic in those days, but when I was single it wasn’t exactly flawless either.

JULY 2008

The Pennsylvania We Never Found
She just looked at me with such a sad, loving, “no such thing as Santa Claus” face. She didn’t need to say anything more. Farm Day was a myth. We all knew it.

Red, White...Blue
Some people have ironically melancholy Valentines Days. I have ironically melancholy Fourths of July.

JUNE 2008

Crush
It took me a while to understand that a crush is not necessarily a call to action. It’s not your soul’s way of telling you it’s found its mate. No, it’s just some baser part of the mind saying “mmm, donuts...”

Mr. Kavorka Came Back
And then I wake up...he’s still the same old elusive non-mystery.

Ken's Class
Clearly it was fake, but not in the sleazy way it probably sounds. No. I believe it was fake with the best of intentions...He wanted to be that important in his students’ lives. Jaime Escalante of the disillusioned yuppies.

how did I get here?
This incredibly mainstream lifestyle I'm living was never inevitable in my mind. I never assumed this future or aspired towards it. Didn't quite believe I was...worthy of it somehow.